Will the Real Me Please Explain Yourself?

Why do I write in such prose such as this? Why do I come across as angry?

I ask you, why do you try to kill me with your actions? Why do you think that if you pretend its not real it will go away?

You see - I think, I feel, I am intense. I know, I reason out, I do not take life for granted.

I see things that you can not see. I know that freewill exist, but I also have seen how that freewill has murdered the innocent. We insist on pretending that exposing our cleavage and only hiding the browns of our nubs is enough. We pretend that Johns have no interest in our children. We pretend that 55 million children are not raped every single day. We pretend that those children who are forced into prostitution, are only third world children and not European, American, British, Canadian or Scandinavian. The Children who are raped and molested are from these countries as well. We pretend that if we pacify the fool, the fool will go away. Hitler was pacified and he murdered millions of Jews. We pacify the Sex addict by trying to make dressing like a sexual being "normal" so that the addict might no longer be an addict. It does not work this way.

I come from a family who used to attend a Naturalist camp where by Au Natural was considered normal. You were so used to seeing "normal" that you weren't supposed to think of sinful thoughts. Everyone was addicted to hard core crap. It was in their homes. Naturalist Camps were nothing more then legal child P_rno...crap. I've seen more Willies rise to greet me as I passed by then any three year old should ever see. I am vehemently against these camps. Yes, yes, they try to keep out the pedophiles. Seriously, they all are addicted. They all can have such thoughts in their heads even if they don't physically act on it.

I have seen how one race was discriminated against in favour of another race. I've seen where if you were from the "wrong side of the tracks" you were given inferior help. I was kicked and beaten up by neighbor girls (3 sisters, two of who got a life, and the 3rd a racist fool - at that time). There was no justice. I was from the wrong side of the tracks - just like they were. No one cared. No one cared if we lived or died. No one cared that I was severely abused at home - both inside it and outside it. No one cared because there was yet another, more serious issue when I was a young child.

This more serious issue was foster care. You see, back in the 60's, if you breathed and could sign your name, you could be a foster parent. It didn't matter that you abused the foster kids. You could get away with murder (so to speak) and no one would bat an eyelash. Oh, the little tarts deserved it, didn't they? They didn't!

I did have one person who understood why I needed to stay at home. She understood that at least at home, I'd have half a chance of seeing tomorrow. She didn't know how bad it really was. She didn't understand that I was suicidal. She didn't understand that I was so sick and tired of the abuse, of the unlove, the hate, the wars - that I wanted out at all cost, and had wanted out as soon as I could stand up and stare at the weeping willow tree in my backyard when I was barely 1 years old. Ignorant Psychology teaches and insists that children age 3 and younger can not EVER have the capacity to commit suicide. I did have that capacity and have tried. I overdosed on Children's aspirin because I did not think I could get mommy's pills down, and I wanted to be sure I died with no errors. I had not known that Children's aspirin is so weak, that it can not kill.

This is where I came from. And yes, 2 weeks before my 8th birthday, I stopped being suicidal with no help from so-called Adults. They were about as useful as pig manure for stopping a low blood sugar attack. Gross? My childhood was very gross! I think it very a pro pro.

I did grow up and I did mature. The problem was that society around me stayed the same. Oh yes, some things changed. Those with the right allergies now had laws in their favour and this IS a good thing. Sure, I still die. But, remember, I came from the wrong side of the tracks. Do they really care? They would if a white child from a white filthy rich business man was anaphylactic to cinnamon or celery. Then they might care - especially if that businessman was key to keeping them in office. Unfortunately, Christians (those who say they are) Politicians in the Republican Party tend to vote as if they really are this way - lovers of power at all cost with disregard to human life.

So, why can't I write this nicely like you can? I've been ignored for almost 47 years. I am tired of being ignored. They say the squeaky wheels gets oiled. Well, I'm going to squeak away until laws change for the better - or I move to a better country. I HATE AMERICA WITH A ROYAL PASSION! I do NOT have the same rights as my fellow citizens. I am in bondage to fools who insist I do not have the right to know what is really in my food. I have only the right to play Russian Roulette with my life every time I go shopping for groceries and I am tired of it!

Besides, who wants to marry me anyways? I don't play by the rules. I'm too Beepy. I won't keep my mouth shut. I don't give tuppence for stupid arrogant "worship me" rules found in some (but NOT all) churches. I do not support murdering anaphylactic people with stupid opinions about kissing. I do not support the tongue wagging, finger pointing, gossiping stingyness that goes on in the Christian Church, in American and especially amongst CERTAIN BUT NOT ALL rich. Which means, if you are not this way, then I am NOT referring to you! If you are offended by what I've said, then I'm most likely NOT talking or referring to you!

The Rich I am referring to is those who will only give to a charity if the charity flies in black caviar from Russia. I'm talking about those who need to be wined and dined to give. These people will never part with their money unless they are going to get something out of it for themselves. They don't really care about others. These people will never give money to a charity even though they can't lower their taxes, can't receive anything in return - including a little pen. They are not the poor.

The Poor will give and donate $$$ we do not have and expect nothing in return - including address labels. We do not need anything in return. We put $20's and $100 dollar bills in Salvation Army tins out of our poverty. We just don't eat as many vegetables as we should that month. They, the rich, on the other hand...only give if they can lower their taxes, or get a meal out of the deal, or get some other accolade that they can show off and brag about how they gave. WE POOR NEVER BRAG ABOUT THESE THINGS BECAUSE WE DON'T GET THESE THINGS IN THE FIRST PLACE! I couldn't eat those stupid dinners they serve anyways. I'm either anaphylactic or severely intolerant. ROFL I do NOT expect them to ever be able to feed me! I think that in my case, it is totally beyond the call of duty! Besides, I believe in giving to a charity without getting anything in return. Only in this way, can they use more money towards their charity, and less towards fund raising cost that shouldn't have been there in the first place. See "The Season" by Ronald Kessler, page 73 about the Global Future's Foundation. And then steam in anger! The Poor would never do something like that! EVER! "...the foundation takes in $68,000 a year and gives about $5000 - 7% of the proceeds - to the university. Almost all the rest goes toward expenses of putting on the balls." The person who runs the foundation got about $3400 a year. I'm not naming names only to protect the guilty. I will say that the University is Houston, however.

You see, it is just things like this that makes me want to write in any way necessary to effect change in a good way. I don't care who I offend, as long as I get them to think! And, maybe, they'll move.
Thanks!